Kentuckian Hunter S. Thompson characterized the South as "closed and ignorant" in his article "The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved." He went on to say this, "In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught." I've spent the last five years away from the Deep South, whether it be in Berkeley or in the relatively progressive Birmingham, but this past week I got a resounding welcome home from the Tupelo Police Department on my way back from filing paperwork for my new job with the Southern Foodways Alliance at the University of Mississippi. The encounter reminded me of my 'perp' encounter with the brilliant Auburn Police Department about eleven years ago.
What one must always understand when dealing with police officers is that to the police brain, everybody's guilty. They are merely looking for evidence as to what constitutes guilt. For the Auburn Police Department, my guilt was predicated on my clothes - some baggy raver pants the most notable signal of my perp hood. The description of the actual perp was quite exact - about six feet tall and wearing "dark clothes." After public humiliation in front of my Camp War Eagle colleagues and counselors (of whom I was older by a good two years), the genius APD let me go, but not before making it clearly known that I was on the outside of their closed society. I never wore those raver pants again.
Flash forward 11 years, I've graduated from Auburn, and received my PhD (which stands for piled up higher and deeper) from the University of California, Berkeley. I've also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I take lithium carbonate and risperidone to manage my moods, of which I have done well since my diagnosis. But, the lithium makes my hands shake; in fact, it is the first side effect on WebMD. Apparently, it is also a sign of being a perp, or as the Tupelo Police Officer noted "the last time I had someone's hand shake like that, he was on meth. Are you on meth?" First, sign that I'm a perp. (Full disclosure: I was pulled over for flicking a cigarette out the window, which I fully admit that I did.) Second sign, I stated rather forcefully that no, in fact, I take medication that makes my hand shake and I'm not particularly fond of confessing that to perfect strangers, particularly cops. I even showed them my medications. Not showing enough deference to the high office of police officer is another sign that you're a perp. What is misunderstood here is that there is no "book" that determines who is and isn't a perp. It is based on years and years of hard won experience protecting innocents from evil-doers like myself. So, here's this guy with a California driver's license, an out-of-state tag, has shaking hands, and doesn't show enough deference. Gotta be a perp. He's just not normal. The third cop car arrives and that officer gives me a field sobriety test in the KFC parking lot, which I of course pass. By this time, I'm shaking with rage. I'm being accused of a crime because I have bipolar disorder.
As a parting shot, the arresting officer asked if anyone had "smoked weed" in my car in the past couple of weeks.
I would like to genuinely thank the three officers involved in this incident. One was a white woman, one was a black man, and one was a white man, no doubt owing to the TPD's robust affirmative action program. (Note: I am not against affirmative action. I am absolutely for it. But without work on institutions and culture, it is quite piecemeal as evidenced by this experience.) I would like to thank them for reminding me that I'm not normal, that I take six pills a day just to function in everyday society. I would like to thank all police officers for being the enforcers of Thompson's closed society. And I would like to thank them for welcoming me back to the Deep South; it's great to know my place.
For those of us that love the South, why do we stand for stuff like this? Why don't we write letters, march in the streets, scream at the top of our lungs, and refuse to participate? Why do we allow blacks, Latinos, women, feminists, communists, the mentally ill, LGBTQ people, and a million other non-mainstream people to be treated as second class citizens? Why do we stand by and watch? Trust me, it doesn't have to be this way.
I'm sorry you had this experience, and in the hometown of Elvis no less. I don't know you personally, but your posts are intriguing and I think the South is so lucky to have you back. I wonder...do you feel like to be back? I think about "Why do we stand for this?" a lot in Alabama and for me, the idea of fitting in versus belonging comes up as the primary cause. In Buffalo, NY, a community that nourished my soul, people belonged. You could be the guy blowing bubbles from his 3rd story apartment window on Allen St with the big goofy glasses or the black lady who dresses in all white (White Ninja) year-round and walks on Elmwood - whatever you wanted to be, you could be. People appreciated and accepted and even celebrated that belonging as an asset of the community. In Alabama, even in Birmingham, I have always felt an outside pressure to fit in. It gives me knots in my shoulders and is the primary reason I am unhappy here. Some of it is "Which church do you go to, honey" (that's just mildly annoying now) and some of it is that people support churches that do not believe in the civil rights of all people, but we're not supposed to say anything because it's their "beliefs" (as if a church that promotes fear and separation has anything to do with God). We haven't yet reached a tipping point of people who value belonging over fitting in in the deep South. That was true during the Civil Rights Movement and it's still true today. I think there are some people shouting, and writing and organizing. It just doesn't feel like enough yet. For me, as much as I love my Southern roots, I often feel like just abandoning the deep South entirely in exchange for true belonging. I'm not sure if it's smart or cowardly, but I'd love to live a knot-free life again. And, I want the work I do to count for something. I want to show some progress. I want to live in a place where people love God more than being right or proving others wrong.
ReplyDeleteThat was supposed to be, "Do you feel lucky to be back?" Sorry for the typo.
DeleteThank you for your comment. I would say this about how I feel about being back. I like needling those sanctimonious people who think they know what the South should be. Most of these people don't know how exclusionary they really are, and I revel in showing them the error of their ways. I also want the South to reach its potential, to be a shining beacon of friendliness and openness that I know that it can be. From my activism, to my writing, to my intellectual engagements, everything I do, I do so that the South can be better and to make space for and encourage others to speak out and speak up. I'm happy to be in the South because, like it or not, it is my home, and no one, not cops, not preachers, not conservatives, and not liberals, are going to take that away from me. I belong here whether those that would exclude like it or not. They're stuck with me.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said. That is true activism.
DeleteWhat you just said near the end of that last comment ... that you belong in the South and that's why you stay. I would say that right there is the answer to your question: "For those of us that love the South, why do we stand for stuff like this?" We "stand for it" because we don't have a choice. All we can do is use our voices, cast our votes and try to live as an example. We can't beat people over the head to make them change their views. Sorry this happened to you. Like you, I love the South. It's part of me -- good and bad. It is my home, too. :-)
ReplyDeletelol.. I'm originally from Indiana and lived in Louisiana for 3 years. I was always that "damned yankee" (the nice people I worked with apparently didn't know where yankees come from) and I just had all of these "odd" ideas about the world. My husband and I made the mistake of moving to Texas. We were stuck there for 3 years too. So glad to be back in the land of subversive bigots...
ReplyDeleteI love the south, my people are from Tennessee and Mississippi... but there's nothing like coming through the turnaround of a small town with out of state plates and more than one adult male who isn't white, in the car with you. I don't even go to my mom's hometown anymore... I get a speeding ticket.. every. single. time. sigh.
As someone from GA, who has also lived in CA & is also bipolar, thank you for putting this so eloquently. I know exactly what you mean & where you're coming from. :)
ReplyDeleteI know a guy who was convicted and fined $60 for throwing a cigarette out the window of his car here in Richmond, va. You were not charged. And throwing a cigarette out the window is not a genius act. Only you can prevent forest fires. And of course, there was the obligatory white guilt, I am not like all those other Southerners self loathing for comments.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you had this experience. As both a person who attends the University of Mississippi and take medication for mild bipolar disorder, I can relate to the sense of frustration that accompanies a love of the South and its institutions in spite of its closed-mindedness in the face of "difference". There will come a day when people think differently, and mental health will be regarded with the same understanding as all other. Eventually, other Southern people will break away from the past and become more understanding. In the meantime, just remember: we're too weird to live (in Mississippi!) but too rare to die.
ReplyDeleteAs one who was born Southern and then lived 'away' for 20 years in southern California, I hear you and feel you. I've been back in the south (Georgia) for quite some years now but I still hear stuff like 'you're not in California any more'. The frustration is enormous some days. But I love the South. I just don't like some of the people who live in it. But when I can strike up a conversation with a complete stranger in Winn-Dixie who said 'I don't give a damn whether people like me or not. I just do what God wants me to do. If they don't like it, they can kiss my ass!' and she was saying that about judgemental bigots; well, you gotta love a place like that. We just have to persevere and continue to show through our words and our actions that bigotry and repression are not the way to go. I hope you can persevere. You sound like someone I really want to live in the South! Patti Rankin
ReplyDeleteThe reality is that it is the nature of who we are in this country. We are xenophobic, angry at the rest of the world and indifferent to the fact that WE have caused a great deal of our own despair. We look at those who are different and who may be "outside" who WE are and treat them like YOU would treat anyone you are suspicious of. It does not just come from ignorance, it does not come from a man behind a pulpit, it is simply a condition of who we are. That we can change or make those situations change is a testament to the very idea you are trying to get across. That those in such places should be more open to new ideas and people. Yes that is true, but at what expense do we ask people to treat US with the very difference you ask for. I was an MP in the military and being a cop on post is FAR more scary then in the civilian world (on a base EVERYONE has been trained to kill), and from working with police from different parts of the country I will say that although I think how they treated you was poor, I understand and sympathize with it. Turn it around and think of it from where they come from. Neither educated in terms of psychiatry, or in how or why your drugs work, and taking your word on it? Come on. Even you can see the stupidity in that. As tough as it is being Bi-Polar (being married to a sufferer for 10 years has given me experience) I have to tell you as a former cop, I would have been suspicious too. Take it not as these people were openly stupid and not willing to listen to reason, and instead think about the fact that people on drugs are dangerous, unpredictable, and prone to act irrationally. These things in mind I hope you never have this happen again but if it does take it slow, go with the flow and just let it pass over you like water on a rock.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that happened to you.... I am bipolar and am fortunately only on 4 pills a day...The main problem I have is dealing with things like when something goes wrong...I have trouble at work sometimes too. I also can't handle situations that involve a confrontation...I am doing better though...
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